Momento Mori

Second Life Coaching Blog

Personal Development For Men

Relationships 101: When The Complaining Stops, Your Relationship Is In Trouble

When Your Man Stops Complaining, Trouble Is Near

When you're in a relationship, nobody ever wants to hear about the things they do that cause their partner to be unhappy. Hearing about our shortcomings is never pleasant, doubly so when they're coming from someone we care about.

Yet it's that sort of complaining, that discussion of what's not working for the other person, that is a sign of a somewhat healthy relationship. It's when the complaining stops that you should begin to worry.

When Men Stop Talking

Men are notoriously silent creatures. Openness and vulnerability aren't our strong suits. We tend to hold things inside only to let things out from time to time and then only when we feel safe to do so.

So if your man is telling you what's not working for him, listen. Listen without getting defensive or trying to think of a 'counterpunch' to come back with. He's trusting you with a deeply vulnerable part of himself, a very sensitive and fragile part of himself, and if he feels threatened or dismissed, he'll most likely just retreat like a turtle into his shell.

*sidenote* - Yes, I realize the above statement goes both ways, for men and women. I am writing this from my point of view, as a man, who is and has been having serious struggles in his relationship for a while now....

How do I know this?

I've done this.

When a man is still interested in a woman, he will usually try to talk things out or work on things.  

It's when he stops trying to talk things that that you have to worry. Some will take the silence as a sign that the objection has been handled. 

Unless the complaining has shifted to words of appreciation for taking him seriously, the silence means he's checked out.

Once he's checked out, it won't be long before his needs will begin being met elsewhere.

How do I know this?

That's a story for another time....

One of the most commonly missed signs your partner fell for someone else often can be seen in a sudden change in disposition. Many even think that the change may actually be a sign that their relationships are improving, only to get hit with divorce papers later on.

When men stop complaining about what's wrong with their relationship, it's usually a sign that it's over.

He'll either move on or become resigned to a loveless relationship.

One is painful in the short term, but can lead to both parties finding happiness.

The other leads to a lifetime of resentment.


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