Dear Men - Find Your Tribe, You Need One

Contrary to popular belief, men desire community. It’s why we join teams, join fraternities, join the military… there’s something about the camaraderie of brotherhood that appeals to us. Yet once we enter ‘adult life’ and the workforce, that pretty much ends.

Why?

It’s because we look at hanging with our tribe as ‘play’... and once we ‘grow up’ we find ourselves saying we don’t have ‘time to play’ anymore. Truth is, it’s not play. It’s healthy and necessary to be in community with like minded men you can trust and be open, honest, and vulnerable with.

A 21st Century man surrounds himself with other men who are honest, vulnerable, and committed to continually growing into the best versions of themselves.
— Christian Salafia

When life comes at us, as men our tendency is to shut down, dive inward, and go silent. While we all need some ‘alone time’ occasionally to quiet the outside noise, but too much isolation can wreak havoc on your mental health. The further you sink into isolation, the less likely you are to be able to come up with a solution for whatever challenge it is your facing.

Men need community, a tribe, to be vulnerable with, to be accountable to, and to lean on for advice and help when things get rough. Accountability essentially means 'being held responsible for the things you do'. It's essentially a form of responsibility that basically means 'the buck stops with you' and it's actually incredibly important.

With all that in mind, it's very important to start bringing more accountability into your own life. Not only will you find that people respect you more for taking the flack and for standing up for what you believe and what you intend to do – but it will also result in you being more productive and ultimately happier as a result.

What’s your tribe look like?

Outside of a group of friends, your tribe can take on different looks. While having friends is great, for some of you your friends aren’t the best sources of advice and accountability. That being said, here are two examples of what your tribe can look like:

  1. Accountability Partner(s) - An accountability partner is someone you set up a contract with to hold each other accountable for reaching goals. This is a mutual pact and is probably the easiest to set up. The goals do not have to be the same ones, the point is to connect on a regular basis, often once a week, and share with each other how much you have accomplished.  The best way to do this is to break up the task into daily chunks and do each one each day so that you are not trying to finish up the project the night before you meet with your accountability partner.

  2. Mastermind - You may prefer joining a group like a mastermind instead of just a one on one accountability partner. The advantage to having a group is additional pressure on you not to let the whole group down, and the fact when you run across an obstacle, the group can help brainstorm ideas to help you out. Two heads may be better than one, but sometimes multiple heads are much better than just two.

So, no matter if it’s a single accountability partner or a group of friends or even a mastermind, it’s important for you to find your tribe.

With all that in mind, it's very important to start bringing more accountability into your own life. Not only will you find that people respect you more for taking the flack and for standing up for what you believe and what you intend to do – but it will also result in you being more productive and ultimately happier as a result.


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