Life is too short and hearts are too fragile for games, especially when it comes to dating and relationships. As most of us get older, our tolerance for bullshit decreases exponentially.
Even for men.
While there are undoubtedly men out there who are just in it for the conquest, there are far more men who are seeking a deeper, more meaningful, more intimate relationship. They long to find their match, someone who gets them, who they can be vulnerable with, and to whom they can give their heart.
As strong and as unshakeable as men can appear to be on the outside there is a soft, and fragile, inner core that must be handled with care.
It's not easy to find your 'perfect someone'. It is, however, much easier to lose them.
1. Doubt Him
The right guy doesn't enter into commitment lightly. Being vulnerable isn't a part of our nature that comes easily. We've also been hurt in the past and have built walls to protect ourselves. When a man begins to let these walls down so you can see into his heart, understand how special you are to him. To doubt him and his willingness to let you into his heart sends him a message that says he'll never be enough for you.
2. Be Inconsistent
One minute he's the perfect guy, the next you're willing to walk away. It's normal to have some trepidation in the beginning of a relationship, but once you've both admitted you have feelings for each other or even that you're in love with each other, the coming and going has to stop. Being inconsistent will cause a man to pull back out of a sense of self-preservation. Do it too many times, and he'll let you go.
3. Don't Trust Him
Trust is earned and not given. Men understand that. As a man opens up to you, he's trusting you more and more with those parts of him nobody else sees. Entering into a relationship takes faith. When a man commits to you and gives his heart to you, he's opening the most sensitive and vulnerable parts of himself to you. He's showing you he trusts you above all others. If you are consistently going through his phone, his social media, his email, or his belongings, he knows he'll always have to walk on eggshells around you. He'll understand you've been deceived before and will tolerate a little extra intrusion into his life....for a while. A man needs at least a minimum of privacy and private space all to his own. Respect this or lose him.
4. Test Him...Constantly
Although it's true that men love a challenge, you're supposed to be his safe place. Being with you is where he recovers from his battles to conquer the world for you. You're his refuge from those things that weigh him down, from stress and anxiety, where he can put his guard down and be vulnerable. If you're constantly testing his love and commitment to you (If you loved me then you'd _____) then you're telling him he has no safe place and that he always has to be "on". That's the fast track to burn out and exhaustion.
5. Make Assumptions
Don't assume a man's being quiet for not caring enough about you. Don't assume that if he doesn't text you right back he's ignoring you. Don't assume that because he doesn't do what you expect that he doesn't love you. Sometimes he can't. Sometimes he's dealing with some heavy shit and is working things out. Sometimes he's just tired. Always assuming the worst puts him on the defensive and can damage or even sever the intimate connection you two have made.
Relationships take work. They take trust. They take faith. They take vulnerability. They take honesty. They take risk. A man that is worth it will understand these things and do all within his ability to show you what you mean to him.
Being vulnerable isn't easy for a man, any man. It's scary and fraught with emotion and not usually something that comes naturally for him. When a man allows himself to be open and vulnerable with you, he's exposing a part of himself that is very delicate. I'm not saying he has to be handled with kid gloves, but he does have to be handled with care. These are just a few things that can cost you the 'perfect guy'. A man who chooses to be vulnerable with you, who chooses to give his heart to you, is a man to be treasured and appreciated.
As I wrote in "Even the strongest men break", a man will continually take on more and more, often struggling in silence because he'd go to hell and back for those he loves. Eventually, though, it will be too much and you'll lose him.