7 Signs You're Not A Priority To Them
One of the biggest challenges, and most dangerous pitfalls, in relationships today is the confusion between being important and being a priority. We all have people that are important to us, and that we’re important to, but that next level relationship involves being a priority to the other person. It doesn’t matter if they’re friend, family, or romantic partner, there’s certain things that are expected and not acceptable at that 'next level’.
In life your top priority should be you, just as their top priority should be themselves. As the old saying goes, you can’t pour from an empty cup. You can’t be what your partner needs if you neglect yourself.
Now, there will be times when life, health, or other issues will need to be near the top of your partner’s priority list.
Yet you still deserve to feel like you’re not only important, but a priority. In today’s hyperconnected, smartphone driven world, it doesn’t take much time to send a message or a text or make a quick call to let you know you’re valued.
Unfortunately that’s not always the way it goes, and figuring out whether it’s life getting in the way or your simply not a priority can be difficult. If you’re feeling neglected, take a step back and see if you can tell if this is an isolated incident or if it’s a pattern.
If it’s an isolated incident, relax. Extend a little grace, have a little patience, and just let the other person know you’re thinking of them, are there for them, and will be there when they’re done surmounting whatever obstacle they’re facing.
If it’s a pattern, then it’s clear that you’re not a priority and not worth putting in the effort for. In this case, have the hard talk. Tell them how their actions make you feel. Perhaps they don’t know what they’re doing hurts you. Give them the chance to improve and be better.
If that doesn’t clear things up and make you feel better, then following signs will help you determine whether you’re a priority or just ‘important’.
They’re Frequently Late Or Stand You Up
I run by the philosophy of “to be early is to be on time and to be on time is to be late”. Time is a valuable thing and being timely a sign of respect. Also, if they consistently make plans and then bail on you, you’re more likely to be an option to them and not a priority.
Special Occasions Aren’t Special
Everyone likes to feel special from time to time. It’s not about the gift, it’s about the effort. If they don’t acknowledge your special days, it doesn’t seem to bother them when they do, and there’s no effort to make it up to you….you may not be a priority in their life.
Disappointing You Doesn’t Bother Them
Unreturned phone calls, texts/messages that are read without response, questions that never get answered… these are a few of the indications that you’re not a priority in your life. Sure, you might get an apology and a promise to do better, but if there’s no effort to be better, those are just empty words.
Their Need For You In Their Life Is INCONSISTENT
We’ve all had our “on again/off again” relationships and we’ve all had people in our lives that seemingly show up whenever they need something, they’re lonely, or some other reason. You’ll know this because they don’t check in on you if you’ve been silent for a while or when they know you’re going through a rough patch. Their needs come first… always. Yours will always be secondary.
You Make All The Effort
You’re the one who calls. You’re the one who makes plans and reservations. From the first move to the first date to defining the relationship, it’s all on you. If you’re always the one who texts or calls first, this should raise red flags.
You Feel Like A Booty Call
Your partner seemingly doesn’t ever want to go out in public and actually “date” but has no problem suggesting they come over (late) to “hang out”. They show up empty handed and almost immediately want to get physical. Conversation is almost non-existent, and what they do say is rich with sexual innuendo and double entendres.
If they come around and want to get physical right away, they see you solely as a source of sexual satisfaction.
Your Needs Are Not Important
We all have our own love language, those things our partners can do to show us that we’re loved and valued. Whether it’s getting flowers, a kind word of appreciation, or a gentle touch, we all have our ways of giving and receiving love. For example, if yours is getting flowers and your partner says “I’m not a flower guy”, then they’re telling you your needs, your love language, is not important to them.
What Can You Do?
First and foremost, talk to the other person. Tell them how you feel when they do the things they do. Use “I feel” statements to avoid being confrontational and judgmental. If they care, they’ll take action to do better. If they don’t, they’ll become defensive and sometimes try to turn the situation around on you.
If they do better, and consistently do better, great. You’ve done the adult thing and refused to allow your partner to neglect you.
If they do better and then relapse or don’t even try to be better, it’s time to end the relationship.
Some may suggest you lower your expectations.
Doing so only teaches the other person that they can treat you like a doormat and get away with it. You’re far too valuable and precious to be someone’s option. Drop them like a bad habit and focus on what makes you happy.
At some point after trying to address the challenges in your relationship you’ll come to a decision point where you can choose whether or not you’ll continue to be someone’s option.
Ending a relationship and facing single life again may be scary, but it’s far better than the emotional turmoil of a relationship where you’re not valued by your partner.